Pride

I haven't lived a lot of life, but there is one thing I would count myself an expert and not in the good way. That is pride. Perhaps I should say I've been an expert and although I may stumble still it is less of a blindspot and more something that I consciously reassess in myself regularly now.

My problem with pride really took its root in my teen years. I was one of those obnoxious teenagers who thought they knew everything and liked to use big words to sound smarter. I did not in fact know what many of those words meant and ended up sounding dumber I suspect. Then as I struggled with my singleness, it was out of pride that I entered bad relationships where I was only further encouraged in bad, prideful behaviors. We have to work to separate ourselves from the behaviors around us and I was so sunk in pride on my own that when in a relationship I felt I had something to prove and it compounded my already stumbling area.

So what have I learned to help me with what has been over a decade of struggling with pride? I have truly begun to chase after God and His Word. It might sound simple but for me it really has been one of the most encouraging parts of this unknown journey I am on.

I was confronted with my pride after I had my engagement broken off. All those things I was working towards building, all that certainty that I had in expecting to reach longstanding goals were gone. I started by making a new goal, a less earthly goal. I wanted to have the God centered life I had always dreamed of but had never put the effort into having. I wanted to truly go from lukewarm to empowered by the love of God. As I've discussed before, I started the podcast from the Bible Recap. It helped me understand and appreciate even the most difficult areas of scripture and make me excited to know more about God. After I had read the Bible cover to cover, I knew I had to do more, I poured time into prayer, and feeding my heart and placing my mind on the things of God. I learned a very valuable lesson in how to forgive which had such immense and deep impacts on my life. I came out of that learning not to hold anger and grudges with such joy and peace.

The story of David is one of the most impactful ones that I encountered. He was not chosen based on appearance, he made huge mistakes, he was full of pride, and needed humbling. I've read his story several times since that first truly impactful read. David's story doesn't hold the same warm fuzzy, changed my heart feeling it it 2 years ago. That's okay. Now as I've read some of the accompanying psalms I notice his anger and judgement and am reminded of those areas of my heart too. I recently read we shouldn't see ourselves as the heros of the Bible because we are the sinners, but I believe that the lessons learned have been unmeasureable. I healed through God's Word and forgiveness, and I learned not to rely on myself. My pride had so much to do with trying to prove to others and when I stopped focusing on that and more on pleasing God, it grew easier to control my pride. As I said, I'm not perfect and it still creeps in but it has come so far from where I was in April 2020.

I am hoping to do some follow up posts about pride in other areas of our lives, since I believe this is something that many struggle with unconsciously. So much of what I write is as a personal reminder of where I need to consciously reassess myself daily to be more of a reflection of Christ. I hope this lesson finds you well. God bless.