New Beginnings

September of 2019 I got the shock of my life, my engagement came to an end and I was in a hurt, dark place. Despite so many red flags in that relationship, I had mistakenly gone on believing that that person was the only person God would ever match me with and therefore I had stayed beyond my welcome and let that loss shatter me. In those initial days of shock though, God's still small voice reassured me that this was not the end. He would bring me better. Someone who shared the same love for Him and wanted to pursue a similar purpose for the Kingdom of God. God promised soon...

Well fast forward about 20 months. I'm impatient and annoyed and understanding the blessings God has given me in the meantime but just begging Him for a win. I'm begging Him to fulfill that promise. I'd had a guy who seemed would be a good fit pass me over later the year before but was now reconsidering me. I'd put them mostly out of mind since I'd learned that when someone can walk away then that's probably a sign they should. That reconsider quickly proved to me that I should stick to my guns and not always trust the persona people have in public.

Roughly the same time, I'd stumbled my way into a place where I had vowed I never wanted to meet someone, a dating app. I matched with this guy who looked charming with a mask, seemed to share similar ideals and fit my tall, dark and handsome type. We chatted a couple days back and forth, both restraining ourselves from sending immediate replies. Then two days in he asked if I was available that weekend. It was my weekend to work but I knew my evenings were free. So I said I could do Sunday after work. When the date, time and location was settled he dropped some bold words. "It's a date"

I tried to keep myself chill but mildly panicked in the hours that led up to it. I got ready, not betraying my style just to look pretty and set off for our public meeting place. I awkwardly waited for my date to arrive and finally he approached where I was standing. Mentally, I was asking myself, is that one for me? He asks me my name to check to see I was the right person and the whole walk and chat unfolded from there. There was instant chemistry, we chatted about so much, revealed a lot about our pasts to get it out on the table and just had a great time. I left completely unable to imagine not seeing this man again. But the choice was up to me based on something that I won't betray his privacy about.

I knew in making my decision I needed to look to God and my Bible. He was the only one I knew to trust for such a decision. I felt so unsettled, this was the one thing that would stop me in my tracks in pursuing a relationship. This man was waiting for my decision and wasn't expecting to hear from me until the next day. Within the same hour though, I'd confirmed what I knew already but didn't want to decide on the spot because rushed decisions were something I wanted to leave in my past. My Bible was my guide post and I got the sincere pleasure of telling this man I wanted to go along on a journey with him.

Things continued on being so simple with him, we talked, walked, enjoyed each other's company and it never felt pressured. There was no second guessing, saying the right thing or if he'd judge me, we just laid it all out there and chose one another over and over again. About 3 weeks in we defined the relationship and made things official. He gave me roses and Reese's PB cups and I was left utterly speechless. It wasn't about the gifts though. I'm not a gifts person. It was the gesture of believing this was something special worth making memorable. We took our time saying "I love you." We didn't say it on the same day which for me made it special because it wasn't saying it to make the other person happy but instead because we meant it.

We slowly learned about some of each other's baggage, learned each other's tells. It soon felt we were just in this comfortable rhythm that still had all the sparks but was based in friendship. We had been upfront about waiting for anything physical until marriage and we kept that word. I felt so honored by that behavior. This was all the kindness, love, respect and godliness I had longed for in a future marriage in front of me in a healthy relationship that wasn't wrought with fighting but actual communication. It was a breath of fresh air and everyday demonstrated to me more and more that this was what it was supposed to be like all along.

Those two previous dating experiences had been so full of the absolute opposite of peace. It had been exhausting and draining and one sided in effort. Although I vouched to never play the comparison game between the men, the relationship were hard not to make comparisons. This one was what for so many years I had prayed for, longed for and believed and doubted along the way that God had in store. I don't subscribe to there being just one person for us but I do believe that God wants the best for us, which is what he showed me when I met this man. He is the Godly man that makes me run towards God and excites me to pursue Him both individually and in my marriage.

This journey is about to begin and I'm so thankful for the peace and joy that has come with this new beginning. You could truly say, he was the one I didn't expect to find.