Finding Your Value in God

Despite my elephants memory, I cannot remember a time in my life when I was not self-conscious. As a teen, this was crippling, I started to withdraw from the world and found myself in an unhappy place. No matter how I changed myself, it was never enough and I would find myself as unhappy as when I started.

When I was 20 I had my first relationship, the longer our relationship went on, the more value I put in his opinion and wanting to be the best for him. When it ended a year and a half later, I found myself broken, in a very dark valley in my life. I had lost sight of what God would think of me, how I could please him - essentially I was self-conscious before the one I should feel safe because I had lost sight of Him. So as I turned to him to heal, to lay every broken piece of me before him and try and rebuild myself into a person that could function like a person and not a shell, He did just that.

I spent two years focusing on healing, on finding my value in Christ rather than a man or a relationship. It is so easy to put so much value in such things. Now do not confuse me for someone who does not want those things - I do, I want a marriage, I want a family of my own and I will have them in Gods timing. That being said, having to find my worth, my value, my place in this world without the marker of those things was HARD! It was in those two years that I learned that I had to be able to call myself beautiful because God thinks I am beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11). I had to learn that my purpose was to be more than a wife and a mother someday, but to be what he called me based on my gifts that he gave me (Proverbs 31; Jeremiah 32:19). I had to find that I had something to offer, more than to just one person but for the all whom I come in contact. I also had a lot of emotional and mental healing to do.

So a little more than a year ago I found myself inspired by the following quote " I am not searching for my other half, because I am not a half." In this world we see ourselves as part of a half because we care what this earth thinks of us, forgetting that our only true value is found not here on earth but in the eyes of our Heavenly Father.

A couple months ago, I found myself the proud owner of a broken off engagement and when the world thought I should be broken, I remembered that God has a plan, he has a purpose and he loves us enough to protect us. I chose rather than seeing all my value as being part of that relationship, to see my value as what God had in store that he did not want ruined by where I was at the time and where I was heading. God put me on the earth to be a nurse, I will post about that at another time but having such a purpose makes it hard to get wrapped up with something that was going to stop me from doing just that.

I will leave you with this verse to help realize your purpose - Romans 12: 9-18

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.